Thursday, July 30, 2009
...like the Devil's got your hands.

Bored as fuck.



Moi, self-shot. Taken yesterday, while waiting for my dad in the car at NUS. He took ages!



New shirt, courtesy of Lezzy's mum. THANK YOU!

Back to school today.


HAD TO WEAR A MASK.


Raymond, being an idiot.




Mirzan. xD

Highlights of today:

1) Early recess by 10 minutes. Thanks Mrs Low.

2) People kept staring at me. Everywhere.

3) Holding waists with Irsyad, then banging my arm on the door lock as we were going out. ASSHOLE!

4) Seeing a huge fuss in the canteen near the end of recess, concerning the Chinese gang from 4A and 4B and my class. Asked about what happened. Apparently Joyce threw laksa all over Yee Seng. Hmm.

5) Yee Seng being a moron, as usual, and shooting a paper pellet at my butt. PRICK!

6) Pravin asking me what "Statistic" meant. He then explained to me that he was messaging this weird pervert, who thought Vin was a girl called "QQ" (Wtf?) and was asking for the stats. Pssh. Guys.

7) Shitload of schoolwork.

8) PRELIMS NEXT WEEK! FUCK!

9) 20 marks for compo. 20?

20???

10) Cough ain't so bad after all.

Had a sharing session with Rabiahtul after school, where we went to get bubble tea and sat on a bench and just talked. Nice. :)

Got home, crashed for a bit, then got up to answer my messenger floods. Ryan Kumar's being a perverted ass, as usual, Irsyad's not offering any sympathy for my bruised arm, Nicholas is still pining. YES YOU'RE PINING.

Listened to my music collection again. Tried out most of my obscure band stuff, and they ain't half bad.



Didn't know they were a boyband. =/ Ah well.




Hafeezzah introduced. They're really good. :)



Radhiah loves this band.



For you, Keith! xD


And for Xavier and Meiko, who introduced me to Alesana. :D


Enough dedicks.

Like twisted art? I don't give a shit if you don't anyway, 'cause I do!

This gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous collection of artwork, a twisted take on Disney princesses. My faves:


Twisted Princess: Alice by ~jeftoon01 on deviantART


Twisted Princess: Aurora by ~jeftoon01 on deviantART


Twisted Princess: Ariel by ~jeftoon01 on deviantART


see more Funny Graphs


see more Funny Graphs


see more Funny Graphs


see more Funny Graphs


see more Funny Graphs


see more Funny Graphs




Monday, July 27, 2009
Always. And never.



Hullo.

Down with influenza. Fever, runny rose, sore throat, hacking cough, body aches - ape jer. HAHAHA.

Stuck at home for today and tomorrow. Not complaining overmuch, 'cause I get to slack and all, but I'm a good girl, and priorities are priorities.

Threw up seven times yesterday. It was awful.

I had to stay by the sink and constantly run cold water and splash it into my face so I wouldn't faint or something. At first all I threw up was half-digested food and medicine. Then afterwards I started puking STOMACH ACID.

And by the third time I was heaving, pushing back my hair and half-crying in pain, I was ready to die.

I was contemplating all the possible ways of suicide - jumping, slitting wrists, sleeping pills, slicing throat. Anything to get rid of the misery that was my current state. Anything at all.

Thank God it stopped.


Okay. Now. Moving on...

I miss all you ladies too. H.E.A.R.R.T

Latest Failblog batch is awesome:


see more Fail Blog


see more Fail Blog


see more Fail Blog


see more Fail Blog


Went to Westmall last week with Rabiahtul, Mirzan and Nana to watch The Haunting in Connecticut.


Me, Rab and Nana went out earlier to get the tickets, then headed to KFC for a bite. Accompanied Rab halfway through to meet her friend Dick to get Rab's money back. People kept commenting on my shirt, particularly three lower secondary boys.

"WA, Avenged Sevenfold sia."

"Eh, shuddup can not, she can hear leh. She looking at us one kind, you know."

=_= I was NOT looking at them AT ALL.

Okay.

Mirzan arrived late (THANK YOU) and we trooped into the theater. Pitch black and the volume was raised to 12 (if you don't get it, you're not a friend of mine). Highlight of the movie was when there was this scene which involved a mirror...during which Rabiahtul screamed, and I found myself covered in popcorn. FML

Went with Mirzan to Jurong Point to buy some stuff, and met Dawn and Ady there. I just BET they'd gotten the wrong idea. xD

Okay...let's see.

Friday. Went to meet Jack at Vivocity after school to watch Fighting.

Channing Tatum is droolicious.

Met John after that, and he sent me home on the train. Thanks.

Hectic week.

This is my dream lady.



Rediscoverations:

I have a knack for making up stupid words. Refer to "Rediscoverations".

Longest word in the English language has the words "ultra" and "micro" and "volcano" and whatever in it. Usually referred to as P45, 'cause it begins with the letter P and has 45 letters. That's a costly one.

I'd forgotten how much of a guilty pleasure Sin City is.

THE MOVIE, BOBO.



Think about this one.

Would you rather:

Date a super hot tranny or a super ugly person of the opposite gender?

Listen to ten straight hours of Miley Cyrus' music, or eight straight hours of the Jonas Brothers'?

Wear far too much in warm weather, or wear far too little in cold weather?

Be moderately sick for three weeks near the exam period, or be critically ill for a day before your birthday?

Die just as you've had the best day of your life, or have everyday a boring day and live to be 90?


A7x trivia:

Zacky Vengeance versus Synyster Gates. Which do y'all think is the better one?



I ain't giving out my opinion till I've heard yours.




Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Math remedial with Mr How just now. Fun. Found out quite a bit more. ;)

Vids:


Making of Gunslinger - A7x.

Pause at 0:07 for M. Shadow's expression when he says Gunslinger.

And at 3:30, then watch to 3:35 for Zacky's reaction to finding the camera. HAHAHAHA


Leighton from Gossip Girls. xoxo



GraphJams/LolCelebs/FailBlogs:


see more Lol Celebs


see more Fail Blog


see more Funny Graphs


see more Funny Graphs




Monday, July 20, 2009
Frish.

Long day today.

Got back home and crashed shortly after.

Had a nightmare. It went like this:

There's a strange "virus" going round the globe. Airborne. My cousin, Zhaoye, he got infected very seriously. The size of his eyes were no different, but he grew SEVEN irises. FUCKEN SCARY.

I asked him how it felt. And he said, "I can't see. I can't see."

EFF

Afterwards, I was at this clear perspex mall. Walking around, trying to find something, but I don't know what. The virus was spreading rapidly. It was so weird. People were walking all around me, past me, either dead, about to die, alive and being pursued by the dead, or just alive and brain-dead, like me.

Then I kinda made friends with this group of people. Dead people.

Something disastrous happened. Next thing I knew, we were all scattered. I helped up one of the girls in the group, but when I touched her, she said to me, "You're not dead."

Then she chased me, brandishing a dagger.

At that point I kept turning back and throwing things at her, but I didn't slow her down at all. She caught up with me, and I fell onto the floor. Passed out.

Woke up (in my dream). Pulled up my shirt to find a fucking huge cut right across my body, just above my chest, almost splitting my body in two. The cut was wavy-lined, like a tattoo, and masses of blood were pouring down, but the blood had already dried.

I reached INTO the cut and felt my heart. It was beating. I was alive.

I stood up and walked around. The mall was now nearly empty (of live people). A bunch of dead kids surrounded me and begged me to play with them. They threw me a rope, which was attached to the roof, and I held onto it while they climbed up. Two or three fell, broke their limbs, and were climbing again in minutes.

I stood there until some other teenage kids came up and talked to me. For some reason I felt that they were alive. So I followed them through the mall. They came to a room and went in. When I stepped in, I couldn't breathe.

There was no oxygen.

The door closed behind me. The room was white-tiled and the ceiling looked cushioned. Then one of the kids said to me, "You're not dead, are you?"

They all turned to me and held out weapons. One of them, this tall, very, very, very pale guy stepped towards me. He was dressed in black, completely black. No trace of other colors. And his face was so frighteningly thin. His hair was blond-brown, wavy.

He held out his weapon - an axe - and swung it towards me. The head of the axe buried into my throat -


And I woke up.

FUCK.

~

Okay. Better stuff.

Went out to catch the latest Harry Potter yesterday with my family. I don't get why people say it sucked. I think it's pretty good, actually. Certainly not as bad as Order of the Phoenix.

Was wearing an Avenged Sevenfold shirt. Walked past this cute Chinese guy, who was ALSO wearing A7x. We were staring at each other. Hahaha.

Walked past him, stopped, looked back. To my surprise, he had stopped and was looking back at me too.

Damn, I wish I talked to him.

Bought a pair of shoes. Tried on three different pairs, and finally decided on this particular strappy pair. Wanted black, but they didn't have a size 3 for it in that color, only silver. So I bought it anyway.

And afterwards, we went out for dinner. When we were parking the car, I...

I'm so so sorry.




Saturday, July 18, 2009
Hey there, sweetheart. I apologize for the previous entry. Wasn't quite thinking right. I'm not gonna remove it, but just know that it's not directed at anybody in particular - just me.

Went out with John to Bugis today to shop.

Thank you SO SO SO much for the gift.


Never wither.



^-^ I'm touched. Ich liebe dich. HAHAHA.

Stuff I bought:


Black star earrings


Rubbery dangles


Can't see the design clearly, I know. It's the "infection/toxicity" logo.


Blink-182


Guns n Roses





Boreddddddddd.

Here, I'll show you my room.


Moi table. Messy as shit.


Noticeboard and DVD rack


Guitar, books, games.


More books. More games. More CDs. A fan.


MY wardrobe


My SISTER'S wardrobe (a lot of my clothes somehow wind up on her hangers, though. =_=)


My comic book rack and my sofa bed, buried in a sea of clothes.


See?


Found this. A sweetheart called Hafizah did it for me back in primary school. Brings back such bittersweet memories.





Favorite songs at the moment:



Dunno why, this song just gives me a hit in my heart. Can you take it all away, this pain, this hurt?

Dedicate to: Your current lover


Why don't you hear me when I'm calling out to you? It's got a pretty sick solo.

Dedicate to: The ex you're still pining for


Baby, I'm starting to see that maybe we're not meant to be. About a person who loves her, so much that he's willing to do whatever it takes. But she's never happy. So, though he loves her, he realizes that maybe they're not destined.

Dedicate to: The girl you love, but who seems to hate you

A7x Gunslinger solo:



Note: Reverb may be a bit grating.


Tiredzior.




Friday, July 17, 2009
Skip all this shit if you don't wanna read it. Frankly, I won't blame you.

I'm good. Everything's good. Life's good.

Got friends. Family. A boyfriend. Stable studies. Great living. Two homes. Laptop, desktop. Plethora of books, games, movies. The Wii, Xbox, 360. Guitar Hero. Two wardrobes full of clothes. Passably attractive. Nice enough to hold friendly-but-impersonal conversation with.

So tell me. Why am I not happy?

It hit me less than 5 minutes ago.

Because I'm fucking dsyfunctional.

Don't believe me?

Look at me. LOOK AT ME, if you can bear to.

When I see myself in the mirror, I want to smash it, pick up the pieces and slice myself to pieces. Even words, once my friend, fail me. I cannot convey how much I abso-fucking-lutely

HATE

myself.

I'm weird, okay? I fucking admit it. I'm a fucking hypocrite, a liar, a bitch, a sadist, a backstabber.

I'm lost. A little girl lost in a big, big maze. A maze too tall to climb, and far too huge to get out of.

The other day I tried listening to my music again. I read the bands.

Saosin. Metallica. Theory of a Deadman. Alesana. Slayer. Anthrax. Avenged Sevenfold. Puddle of Mudd. The Used. The Receiving End of Sirens. Cobra Starship. Forever the Sickest Kids. AFI. All Time Low. Chiodos. Disturbed. Iron Maiden. Deep Purple. Marilyn Manson. Megadeth. Motion City Soundtrack. Atreyu. Nightwish. Pantera. Senses Fail. Misfits. Offspring.

Guess what?

I DON'T RECOGNIZE ANY OF THEM.

What does it mean?

Either I have a split personality.

Or. I have been lying to myself, all these years. Pretending to be someone I never wanted to be, just to fit in. A reject hiding behind a mask of acceptance. And what's the worst thing to do?

I fell in love with PRETENDING.

Hate. Hate. Hate.

Hate is strong. Hate is good. Hate flows. I exist on hate, not love.

And I hate myself for it.

All you fucking, stupid morons. "I hate this, I hate that," you whine. Over trivial things. Don't.

Don't. Fucking. Say. That.

Hate is when you combine utter despair, intense violence and irrational sense. HATE is what you feel when you want to KILL yourself, or someone else, because of it.

We've all deluded ourselves, far too many times. Our hate is mingled, no, tangled with love. Like vines wrapped around a dark, red rose. Choking it. Slowly, at first. But as soon as the rose begins to wilt, the vines will conquer. Soon it'll become a weed, completely useless and easily disposed of.

I'm the rose. The vines are creeping higher, higher, higher. It wraps around my ankles, slowly, almost gently at first. Then they grip tightly, so that somewhere in the back of my consciousness, I am aware of it, but not willing to acknowledge it at first. Then, as the days pass, the vines grow. What they thrive on is simple: hatred. Simple, cold, murderous, metallic hatred. And the ground I am planted on is abundant with it.

Now. They're coiling themselves up my legs. At this stage, I can still make a pretence of denial. But by now I already know that it's too late. It's growing too fast to be controlled.

Fuck. It's tightened. The vines are holding me so firmly, I can't move without having it stab into me. Thorns, thousands of small, razor-sharp thorns, piercing my skin, my flesh, my blood.

Blood. It's tasted blood.

And it likes it.

The growing process is speeding up. The vines have dropped their act of growing gradually. Now it's fully grown, at the stage when it acts the fastest. It winds itself like a rope constructed from blades around my body. Up. My waist. Half-deep. Higher. Higher.

It's now around my neck, at this very instant, as I'm typing this. I'm choking to death, very, very slowly, very gently, on a self-made noose.

But soon the vines will envelop me completely. And when they do, nothing, no axe, no gun, no fire, can save me.

By then, only death can redeem me.

And by then, I'll be happy to die.

I stand in front of the mirror of truth.

And I asked it, "Mirror, mirror, who do you see?"

It answered, "I don't see a person."

I said, "That's impossible. I'm standing right in front of you."

It answered, "I do not see you.

"I see no one there, no one at all."

With a blow, I strike it

And it shatters, into silver fragments.

I pick up a tall shard, which has stabbed me in the heart.

And pull it out.

No blood on it. But I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding faster than fuck.

I look at the shard. And demand of it, "Who do you see?"

The reflection shows an empty, blank white. Nothing. Nobody.

I can't see myself.

Slowly, I grind the shard to dust

And wait for Death to stake it's claim.




Thursday, July 16, 2009
School's been pretty crap these days. The timetable blows.


Feezah, Elfira and Zie in the background


Syad. That's MY skirt.





Me and Darling.


Mr Lim drew this for Physics. xD


5 p.m. We're all still stuck in school. Hardworking, yeah?


Me and Feezah


Again


They trapped Affy in the loo. Me, Rad and Elfira were bursting trying to hold in our laughter.

What I've discovered about myself over the past few days:

I have a fetish for guys with guns.









Once, I would've shunned any technoish music. Electrorock is surprisingly addictive. The ones I listen to are:




Enter Shikari


Blaqk Audio (yes, that is Jade Puget. This is a side project of Jade and Davey from AFI.)


HelloGoodbye


Cobra Starship


Forever The Sickest Kids




Latest guy: Quinn Allman.





Enough BS.