Monday, May 14, 2007
I'm sitting here all by myself
Just trying to think of something to do
Trying to think of something, anything
Just to keep me from thinking of you

Geez. Lately I've been acting like a bitch, with up-and-down feelings. Le-yi now has a boyfriend, and they went out together to VivoCity yesterday. The way she described everything they did, like holding hands, talking, walking around, feeding each other popcorn in the movie theatre...it makes me feel so very jealous of them.

I've had too many ex-boyfriends before, but the furthest I ever went with one was just holding hands, and my palms sweated like fuck. I'm fucking jealous of Le-yi, and I ADMIT it.

Why can't I have a boyfriend who I won't tire of after a few days of being with him?

Last night, me and Le-yi slept together (NO, FAGGOT, NOT IN "THAT" WAY) and we both stayed up for AT LEAST AN HOUR chatting with guys on the phone - Le-yi with her boyfriend, and me with Derrick a.k.a Dicky Bird. We laughed like hell and damn, my phone bill's gonna be sky-high this month.

I've just realised I've been depressed something awful for a long time, over the stupidest and most trivial matters - jealousy of popularity, love and friendship. I don't have any really true friends I can confide in without worrying that they'll spread it over the global media. I don't even have a best friend who would listen to me without criticizing me or laughing at me, even if I don't think its funny. I don't even have a boyfriend who would be as sweet and as romantic to me as Le-yi's boyfriend is to her.

DAMN, I'M FUCKING JEALOUS.

Anyway, yesterday, I viewed Maou on the webcam. He nearly scared me into jumping out of my skin by showing a scary-looking doll! He wore a thick pair of oversized frames (the latest trend besides ties!) so I couldn't see his eyes, damnit, but he refused to remove the glasses. He looks just like how he appears in his photos, haha. Maybe I WILL get to see him someday without those ridiculous glasses.

ANYWAY, off Maou now, I helped my dad wash his car after chatting with Maou, and then went off to play bowling at a country club in Bukit Batok. The place was great! I loved the pool! The slides were dope and there was one awesome tidal pool! Damn, I wanna go!

And I guess that about ends it for this post.

I'm lying awake at night
Counting the minutes I spend alone
I'm asking the heavens, and myself
"Why can't I have somebody to love?"